A Not so Fine Retreat . . .

This September 22 - 24 2005, we had our Sophomore's Retreat held at Caliraya Re - Creation Center . . . for the first time!!! At the first day . . . I don't feel better for Rafael and Mona got close in a wrong timing. . . . :( . . . The place was far more better than the Rizal Re - Creation Center but still the memories there were far more better . . . I don't know what's happening with me. . . . It could be because I don't have time with the Lord anymore . . Maybe He wants me to have more time with Him . . . All my life I never had a successful lovelife. . . . . maybe I'm not yet ready but still it causes all my pains and burdens . .

The second day was a scary day . . but fun because I experienced having a bath under the rain . . . . but then . . when I decided to take a bit of dip at the pool . . . . the first man who splashed my face with water was Rafael . . then the boys then pushed me to the pool wearing my casual attire. . . civilian!!!!! With jeans and all that!!!! What an experience it is. . . . but then when I changed into a swimming attire . . . and got to the pool . . later on I got cramps and it was the worst ever. . . then later on . . Rafael got unconscious for he experienced too much cold temperature . . I was really shocked and all of us got silent and all that . . . he got unconscious right exactly at the time I left him . . . . at the staircase of the pool . . .

Then when I got out of the pool I got cramps for the second time!!!! And I cried . . cried because of too much pain . . . because of the cramps but also because my friends. . or what I thought of as my real and best friends. . left me alone with people whom I never thought of never leaving me in that time of pain . . I cried because they never treated me as if I was a close friend of them . . and one of them took care of the man she said to be her enemy or the man she's irritated with but if that's the case . . why did she leave me alone in that severe pain . . in exchange for Rafael's case. . . .why people leave me hanging and treat me as a rag of no use and is dirty!?!?!?! WHY??? Please answer me why!?!?! I'm just thankful that God saved Rafael from that case of his . . . also he used my jacket . . . I mean Jeki's jacket . . . :) . . but still a great pain causes me to cry every night of my life . . I can't stop it. . . good thing there are still people who are always there for me. . . but will they leave me still? . . And right now. . I felt like Rafael was irritated towards me . . . I don't know why . . but I really have a hunch about that . .

Lord I just pray that you will cleanse my heart with all the pain and anger inside me so that I may learn to forgive. . Lord I need help right know. . please forgive me for all the bad things that I've done . . . if you would please remove my pains that I may praise thee with a free and cleansed heart . . . This is what I pray to thee Lord . . please have mercy . .