My Own Cam at Last!!! (Sony - N1)

As far as I can remember it was December when I got my own digital camera!!! Sony - N1 . . it was my father's gift for me this Christmas!!! Yehey!!! It was really useful . . . for our schoolpaper's documentary . . . Scouting movement documentary . . and all around for all occassions of course!!!

It was actually handy . . . has a 3" touch panel . . easy to use. . and super duper great!!! I really love it!!! I was dreaming of having my own camera for I actually love taking pictures. . and videos!! And Sony - N1 has it all . . a good quality of video clips almost everything you actually need. . . :D . . Thanks dad for my early Christmas gift!!! Love you so much!!! :D

I MiSS HiM!!!

Do you know the feeling that . . what ever it takes . . . you'll just be there for him? . . Even though he has a girlfriend. . you'll continue loving him? . . . The feeling that everywhere you look you just see his face? . . The feeling in which you don't care if some people are angry of him as long as you're happy with him? . . . That exactly is what I feel . . . . .

In the case of today's happenings. . I actually wanted to see him . . hug him . kiss him and everything!!! I actually was attempting to do that in these last few days. . but of course. . . . . as you all know. . . I can't . . too thick is my face if I would. . . . I miss him a lot. . after some hours of not seeing him!!! I wanted to see him smile!!! See him in the mood and happy. . . . . . . . . . . But when . on Monday?!?!?!?!!?!!?!?!!? An hour is too long for me!!!! God help!!!! What should I do?!?! Give up . . once again!?!?!?!!!!!! :(

A Sad . . Sad Monthsary . .

This December 3 was actually the day wherein me and my bestfriend's monthsary . . . . but then it turned out to be the worst day I ever had. Yesterday, I actually told them that if they let me watch the basketball game of Galilee (my section, 2nd year) vs Bethany (4th year), my day would be fine and I'll join the party . . The two of my friends . . Tiffany Joy and Tishanie were included and their partners . . . hope you got my point. . but I was single. . single in total . . . I mean . . no one courts, nothing!!! Nothing at all!!! I was out of place at all!!! They were having a nice day . . . what about me??? Joining them not and I even haven't watched the last quarter of the game!!!

It was actually a terrible feeling for me!!!! I'm not just out of place!!! I'm so lovesick!!! Homesick!!! Friendsick!!! everything!!! I actually hate this day!!! Another thing is that, I was so guilty because I know I was of burden for my friends. . and maybe my "bestie" was angry with me because he asked me to take good care of his things which I just asked one of my classmates to be responsible of it since I have to go for the sake of not ruining the day . . which turned out to be the worst day of this year!!! It's not just a sad monthsary . . . but a day . . . which I just can't stop tears flowing from my eyes . . . . like how the clouds were not in the mood to soar the skies . . . . . .

cHaNGe

I can still remember how it started. You know . . the "bestie" thingy . . but then . . know. . . . . I treat him more than a bestfriend or a bestie but indeed someone special . . funny how love comes and goes right? Even friendship was counted . .

I actually never thought of fallin' for someone who actually is my friend!!!!!! And moreover. . my bestie!!! For the first time in my life, I never wished for anyhting else more in this situation of mine. Yeah . . I mean it hurts for I know he has a girlfriend already but then . . I'm just happy of my situation. . that's it!!! Weird right? I even remember that we were already friends before. . haha . . life and love. . . . . oh God!! Good thing he is always there when I need him . . and he makes my day complete. . . . . . . . I thought I won't get over with Ken . . but everything has changed . . . for the better. . of course!!! :)

Because He's Here

As you have noticed, most of my stories in my blog are kind of a "senti". But this time, I'll share to you something different. It actually happened last saturday, November 26, 2005, when I was at school for the intramurals, it seems like I'm just naturally happy, contented and most of all having a good time . . with my new friends and kadas. . . and my bestie.

When we say bestie, what comes in our mind is that he is the one beside you when you need him and comforts you always, gives or offers help if needed, and always teases you with a smile, am I right? That's my bestie, we started calling ourselves besties. . . . that was September 22, 2005 at Caliraya Re - Creation Center.

The most shocking thing for my classmates was that when he usually kisses me at my cheeks . . but for us it normal as a bestie greeting and whatsoever. So they usually tease us and saying "You two act as real couples . . " Oh well, just go with the flow right? Yes, indeed I'm happy at my current situation.

I can now feel the feeling which you're just contented and everything seems to be fine and I guess I felt true happiness because he's here . . . :) I actually like him . . :) (blush)

The Day That My Wish Came True . .

In the afternoon of November 11, 2005, I was with my friend then we decided to go into the gates of our school and take a walk inside. Kenneth was going in too. She already had entered the school gates when I was left behind for even though I attempted to go in but the guard won't let me in. Then I just said "Dito na nga lang ako!!!" then stood beside him, he smiled and told me "Pasaway ka rin eh!" Then we laughed and waited for our chance to go in, he was about to close the gate to keep me out of school when I shouted "Sasarahan mo pa ako eh!!!" . .

That short moment may be nothing for others but for me it was a dream come true for we talked even just for a short period of time that I would surely treasure.

A DreaM tHaT SeeMeD to Be a ReaLiTy . .

By the night of November 11, 2005 I was then sleeping when I just thought that I was seated in a classroom. I can still remember that I seem to be talking to someone when I found out that the guy I love, Kenneth, was seating beside me. He was then looking at me in an annoying manner when the one seated at my front said something to him ( I actually don't know who he or she was). Then, Kenneth stood up and surprisingly kissed me at my left cheek 2 times!!! And what really made me happy about my dream was that when I felt that those kisses were seem to be true . . I just hope it is really true. . for he has a girlfriend already but as you all know I really love him. Then I woke up that morning and asked my self a question "Is my dream a reality?"

C0nFuSioN . .

Last October 28 to November 6, 2005, we had our Semestral break. Those ten days of rest meant a lot in my part for those ten days were the days I had a time to think about the things to be settled, about me, about my personality, my friends and even my love life.

Even though I have a lot of things to think about and I had a lot of time to think about it, it seems like I lost a lot of time. . reading our book report entitled "The Chronicles of Narnia". I was busy then, even though happy because I had a lot of rest, still my mind won't let me rest mentally and kept on waking me during the nights of those dark and cold days.

I was thinking what should I do with my situation with two people: Kenneth and Rafael. Who seem to be important and special people for me. Rafael was the guy whom is boastful, naughty but somehow sweet and I really like him a lot. But still, the kindness and total sweetness of Kenneth and his undesputable attitude of a true gentleman makes me knock myself of my feet. He has a girlfriend already which made me stop myself from loving him of his angelic attitude. By those peaceful days, I was hunted by my memories with him for I miss everything we've been through, I miss his voice, his jokes, our communication and everything. I really missed everything else. But then still Rafael keeps me down and yet Kenneth remains for he really is better for me as other people have said.

Then I have finally decided that even though he and his girlfriend had this love that is seem to be unbreakable by strong bonds and knives cutting down the ropes binding them together, I decided to remain, remain and wait for his awakening, dreaming and believing that one day he would finally found me. People say don't find love for it will surely come but when? I have found someone I wished and dreamed to be with and if that's my case even though I have found a new one, it only means that Kenneth is the one, the only one or the only man I dream of being with for the rest of my days. Still I felt this confusion if I'm really gonna stand it for so long for I have a short time to live here on earth and to waste myself for nothing but . . I seem to be decidedly so . . .

1, 2, 3 SuRpRiSe!!!

October 13, 2005. This day is the 11 - monthsary with "Past." But as you well know, he still is in me for that long. Imagine. Goodness!!! And imagine, in our 2nd periodical exams . . . . Ia is my room mate!!! Grrr . . as in!!! But however, I'm just fine . . . :D Keep on keepin' on!!!

After the exam, my whole world fell off me when I saw "Now" and Michelle together. What a bad sight!!! As in!!! Good thing, Erika and Kevin are there to help me out and cheer me up. Then, after a few more minutes, miraculously, Del took a picture of us. . only the both of us!!! Naks!!! Then he was teasing me for I was kinda small. . haha . . laughs laughs laughs!!! Then later on, he was about to go down for tutor. Then, he was teasing me to kiss him!!! Then I told him "Asa ka! Hindi mo nga ginawa eh! " Because yeterday, before I went home, I was with Ella and Paeng in the Grade School Canteen, talking. I was standing then, then he told me "Umupo ka kaya!!! Pawis ka na noh!!!" Naks!! Caring!! hehe . . then he placed a chair beside him and let me sit there. So he was teasing me and all that so Ella was saying "Mahangin ah!!!", "Oo nga!!! Ang lakas!!!" I answered. But then, I have to go already, so when I went home I decided to text Ella. Then we were talking and I asked her to tell Paeng to take care of my Florante and Laura for I have to pass it on October 13. Then she said ok . . . then later on, she texted me something. Something stating that "May kiss ka daw kay Paeng bukas!!!" And I told to myself . . WHAT!!! And I replied "Sabihin mo, O talaga? ulul!!! Inde naman niya yun kayang gawin eh!!!" Then she replied "Gagawin niya daw." So I started to imagine if it would really happen tomorrow. So I waited.

After the exam, after the picture taking thingy and all that, he was about to go down for his tutor sessions. Then before he went down, he was asking me to kiss him in the cheeks!!! I told him "Asa!!! Hindi mo pa nga ginagawa eh!!!" Then he said "O halika dito!!!" Then I was hesitating, he was about to come back!!! Waaaah!!! Then he told me "Ano?!?! Tara!!!" Then I told him "Ano?!?!" Then he held me tight and hold me at my shoulders and kissed me in the cheeks!!!!!!!!!!!!! ShEm!!!!! It was my unforgettable moment in my ummm . . . . High School life? Hahahaha . . . . . Erika and Angeline was so shocked when I told them~~~!!!! Gosh . . I'm so HAPPY!!!! All my sadness were wiped away. I was so shocked and can't have any comments about it. He was the second man to do that to me. . . GOSH!!! It was a total surprise!!! It seems like it's not my monthsary to "Past" but my most unforgettable memory with "NOW" . . . SURPRISE!!! :D

SaNa

These past few days from October 4 to 6 are what I call "Happy Days". Why? These are the days wherein me and Paeng are usuallly talking much and having good times even ummm . . kilig moments? He used to tease me and asking me to kiss him in his cheeks and I usually answer back "asa!" There was this time, I guess that's October 4 or 5 wherein the whole half of the day we sat beside each other. He used to tease me and so do I. We talked of certain things and laugh by the end. Then even though I'm happy in the outside and the inside, there are still questions that are bugging my mind from the time I've started to love somebody else. Questions like, would I end up happy at last? Will I still be happy tomorrow? Will I be happy by this time of year? Will I be hurt again for several times around? Questions that make me cry at night. Question that keep me from total happiness. I just hope that someone would understand. Understand things and take me away from that nightmare. Hayyy . . . . as what the title of my song is . . . . . Sana . . .